I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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