if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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