what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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