In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
