I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
