We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
