Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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