Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
