I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
