shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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