yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
