Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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