I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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