my phone cant type all the emotion im having
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
