Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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