he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
