Sry I called you an 8
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
