oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
