my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
