Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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