remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
