umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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