Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
