please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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