I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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