What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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