I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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