I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this beer tastes like vomit already
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
