I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
handjob tips. give me some.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
