I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
