Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
