so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
