dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
