are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
