I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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