do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
