I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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