forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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