He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
