then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
