I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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