you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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