He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
