We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
