You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
