I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
