He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
