so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
