so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the day after is always just damage control
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
