Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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