you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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