Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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