im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
